Play something we can dance to!

For God's sake!

"Gsus! Yes, do it for me!"

What is the point of people playing music? I think they do it because they are too lazy to become plumbers or builders. If they MUST do it, there should be more of a purpose.

In the good old days, in Philistine, men danced with women so that they could get a bonk. That was the reason. The musicians were offering a good service. They certainly didn't play that awful Bebop stuff that blogger Rob seems to be into. The only bonk you'll get from that is when you wake up with a sore head. Gsus! You might as well just get pissed!

There. That's my valuable advice for today. 

If you must play music, play something we can dance to!

Bebop. No way is it music!

 

Some conclusions are easy to come to. Here is one of those.

Bebop IS NOT music!

They have no sense of constructive harmony, they just plonk in any old notes.

You get chords with names like:

- G7#11. That's a G7 chord with a C#. Weird!

- Gb7#9. That's a Gb7 chord with an A!

Need I go on?

I don't think so.

True music is written for orchestras, or pianos or singers. Sometimes you might get a violin or a banjo too. Sometimes someone might sing and play a guitar. You certainly don't need lots of blowy things playing wrong notes. Well, to their credit, at least they don't use bagpipes for Bebop!

"I want to hear a melody.
Something I can sing along to."

Maybe churches have the right idea? They sing about what is relevant to worship. Their god may not necessarily be true, but they are singing to him, or her, or it. 

I heard of a Bebop tune called Ornithology - the study of birds. How, in god's name, are Bebop musicians related to birds? I heard somewhere that Charlie Parker was called Bird because he liked to chase chickens when he was out of it. Cripes!

Please let's not have any Bebop music around these blogs. Let's show that we have some taste.

Is money the root of all evil?

• 
  
  
• 
  
• Things that will cost a lot of money:

The services of a plumber

Buying art from a gallery

Hiring a professional football player

Going to a concert in a fancy hall

Hiring a lawyer

Buying an electric car

          Things that will not cost a lot of money:

Watching a child play football in a cul-de-sac

Singing Happy Birthday to a friend

Taking your grandchild to a park

Hanging out with old mates

Writing a blog

Mowing your own lawns

* * *

What makes things worth lots of money?

Why are some things free?

Some things make us happy without making us rich. What is the difference?

It's like jazz musicians playing at a jazz jam for free. They obviously enjoy it. 

People like to call me a Philistine. Philistine used to be a place along the coast of Canaan. That was before it started to take on the meaning of 'a person who is hostile or indifferent to culture and the arts'.

Me? Well, I don't think some things are really worth what we have to pay for them. I know that Richard (of RBB) often gives people free music lessons. I don't think you'd catch a plumber working for free. Maybe some activities are just more fun to do?

I see that Richard (of RBB) put up some free to watch bass playing on his blog.

Maybe he was just practising, or having a bit of fun?

I see, on his blog post (with the bass videos) he is now getting advice on what he should be playing.

I would image that Richard (of RBB) would not be too worried about what The Curmudgeon was going to watch this evening, or what some Catholic guy who buggered off for quite a few weeks thinks he should be playing.

Hey, but that's just my opinion.

AND, as you know, I am a self-confessed Philistine.

Cheers.

The art of tennis?

 Come on!

Why not just play the inside version? That way you're out of the way and not using up valuable property.

Say you live in somewhere like Thorndon (Wellington). That's property that someone could live on. You certainly don't need someone running around and hitting a ball. Bloody well grow up!

All those lines over the ground look bloody silly!

AND they're a waste of white paint.

Ah well, maybe using up that paint slows down an artist or two?

That has got to be good.

We certainly don't need shit like this!

Yes, I'm back but I haven't really been away.

 

I know that things have been getting a bit boring around here lately, so I decided that I should help out. Thank god that Catholic guy has gone! Hang on, did I just thank a god? Next I'll be praising artists for doodling. Jesus! Yes, that's the only way I use that name - as an exclamation.

Anyway, things will get better around here now that I'm back and being active. Let's just hope that Angry Jesus stays well away.

Church art makes me fart.

 I read that our government is not keen on having much art and music taught in schools - they want kids to learn maths, science and English. I'm all with the language thing and reckon that old people who can't use grammar properly should be sent back to school. 

Art? Well, a lot of art in Catholic churches is misleading people. Get rid of it, I say. Get rid of the bloody churches too. They could be converted into accommodation for homeless people. Look at this picture...

 Whoops, I know, that's Angry Jesus. Here's a better one...

Does that look like someone from the Middle East? Looks more like an English woman with a beard. I didn't know that Jesus wore eye makeup.

COME ON! WAKE UP!

These churches are full of shit! I'm with the government. Get rid of bloody art. Music can be annoying too. Like when you're trying to sleep. Those Hims (I spelt that differently because everything in church seems to be decided by men) they sing are puerile. Sucking up to some god who is not listening. Example: The All Blacks lost last night. God didn't give a shit.

That's it from me this morning. I need to get to Mass.

YEAH, RIGHT!

I'm not dreaming of a blue Christmas, that's for damn sure!

Okay, so a blue guy shows up, with a new blog, and starts writing all this fancy, mysterious shit.

Blogger: The Blue Man

My advice?
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS BLOG!

It looks like arty farty shit.

I'd tell this blue guy to take his blue Christmas balls and stick them up his blue arse.

This...

...up here!