I saw this picture in an art gallery.

 

I had to go in to use their toilet.

I noticed that they wanted a lot of money for it. As soon as I'd used the toilet I got out of there! Do they put in toilets to attract buyers? That's a mean trick. They should just have toilets out on the street.

There you go, I'm solving problems for you today. 

No need for that art gallery now.

ANZAC Day.

 

For twelve years, or more, Richard (of RBB) would be ready to play at 6am, rain or shine. This morning I bet he's sitting by his heater. That's a warmer option. In the suburb that he lives there is a park with an almost identical name to him. It has a slightly different spelling. Lots of people seem to have thought that the two of them were related. Well, I suppose there could be some vague connection. He told me once that the local school he worked at misspelt his name on school emails for twenty years. Gsus!

In actual fact, Richard (of RBB) played The Last Post on a green and black trumpet - the official colours of this suburb.

Well, I'd better get going. I want to pop into a few art galleries today.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

I'd rather spend the day sitting on a dirty old toilet.

So long.

Play something we can dance to!

For God's sake!

"Gsus! Yes, do it for me!"

What is the point of people playing music? I think they do it because they are too lazy to become plumbers or builders. If they MUST do it, there should be more of a purpose.

In the good old days, in Philistine, men danced with women so that they could get a bonk. That was the reason. The musicians were offering a good service. They certainly didn't play that awful Bebop stuff that blogger Rob seems to be into. The only bonk you'll get from that is when you wake up with a sore head. Gsus! You might as well just get pissed!

There. That's my valuable advice for today. 

If you must play music, play something we can dance to!

Bebop. No way is it music!

 

Some conclusions are easy to come to. Here is one of those.

Bebop IS NOT music!

They have no sense of constructive harmony, they just plonk in any old notes.

You get chords with names like:

- G7#11. That's a G7 chord with a C#. Weird!

- Gb7#9. That's a Gb7 chord with an A!

Need I go on?

I don't think so.

True music is written for orchestras, or pianos or singers. Sometimes you might get a violin or a banjo too. Sometimes someone might sing and play a guitar. You certainly don't need lots of blowy things playing wrong notes. Well, to their credit, at least they don't use bagpipes for Bebop!

"I want to hear a melody.
Something I can sing along to."

Maybe churches have the right idea? They sing about what is relevant to worship. Their god may not necessarily be true, but they are singing to him, or her, or it. 

I heard of a Bebop tune called Ornithology - the study of birds. How, in god's name, are Bebop musicians related to birds? I heard somewhere that Charlie Parker was called Bird because he liked to chase chickens when he was out of it. Cripes!

Please let's not have any Bebop music around these blogs. Let's show that we have some taste.

Is money the root of all evil?

• 
  
  
• 
  
• Things that will cost a lot of money:

The services of a plumber

Buying art from a gallery

Hiring a professional football player

Going to a concert in a fancy hall

Hiring a lawyer

Buying an electric car

          Things that will not cost a lot of money:

Watching a child play football in a cul-de-sac

Singing Happy Birthday to a friend

Taking your grandchild to a park

Hanging out with old mates

Writing a blog

Mowing your own lawns

* * *

What makes things worth lots of money?

Why are some things free?

Some things make us happy without making us rich. What is the difference?

It's like jazz musicians playing at a jazz jam for free. They obviously enjoy it. 

People like to call me a Philistine. Philistine used to be a place along the coast of Canaan. That was before it started to take on the meaning of 'a person who is hostile or indifferent to culture and the arts'.

Me? Well, I don't think some things are really worth what we have to pay for them. I know that Richard (of RBB) often gives people free music lessons. I don't think you'd catch a plumber working for free. Maybe some activities are just more fun to do?

I see that Richard (of RBB) put up some free to watch bass playing on his blog.

Maybe he was just practising, or having a bit of fun?

I see, on his blog post (with the bass videos) he is now getting advice on what he should be playing.

I would image that Richard (of RBB) would not be too worried about what The Curmudgeon was going to watch this evening, or what some Catholic guy who buggered off for quite a few weeks thinks he should be playing.

Hey, but that's just my opinion.

AND, as you know, I am a self-confessed Philistine.

Cheers.

The art of tennis?

 Come on!

Why not just play the inside version? That way you're out of the way and not using up valuable property.

Say you live in somewhere like Thorndon (Wellington). That's property that someone could live on. You certainly don't need someone running around and hitting a ball. Bloody well grow up!

All those lines over the ground look bloody silly!

AND they're a waste of white paint.

Ah well, maybe using up that paint slows down an artist or two?

That has got to be good.

We certainly don't need shit like this!

Yes, I'm back but I haven't really been away.

 

I know that things have been getting a bit boring around here lately, so I decided that I should help out. Thank god that Catholic guy has gone! Hang on, did I just thank a god? Next I'll be praising artists for doodling. Jesus! Yes, that's the only way I use that name - as an exclamation.

Anyway, things will get better around here now that I'm back and being active. Let's just hope that Angry Jesus stays well away.

Church art makes me fart.

 I read that our government is not keen on having much art and music taught in schools - they want kids to learn maths, science and English. I'm all with the language thing and reckon that old people who can't use grammar properly should be sent back to school. 

Art? Well, a lot of art in Catholic churches is misleading people. Get rid of it, I say. Get rid of the bloody churches too. They could be converted into accommodation for homeless people. Look at this picture...

 Whoops, I know, that's Angry Jesus. Here's a better one...

Does that look like someone from the Middle East? Looks more like an English woman with a beard. I didn't know that Jesus wore eye makeup.

COME ON! WAKE UP!

These churches are full of shit! I'm with the government. Get rid of bloody art. Music can be annoying too. Like when you're trying to sleep. Those Hims (I spelt that differently because everything in church seems to be decided by men) they sing are puerile. Sucking up to some god who is not listening. Example: The All Blacks lost last night. God didn't give a shit.

That's it from me this morning. I need to get to Mass.

YEAH, RIGHT!

I'm not dreaming of a blue Christmas, that's for damn sure!

Okay, so a blue guy shows up, with a new blog, and starts writing all this fancy, mysterious shit.

Blogger: The Blue Man

My advice?
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS BLOG!

It looks like arty farty shit.

I'd tell this blue guy to take his blue Christmas balls and stick them up his blue arse.

This...

...up here!

Art sucks!

Right now I'm busy with important things, like getting food and drink sorted.
Artists bludge food and drink because most are starving as their pieces of shit art sit in galleries at inflated prices.

WTF is this?

Okay, let me help you artists...
GET A DAY JOB!

Also, don't write big blurbs about your paintings. 

We don't care what you were trying to do.

If it looks like shit, it is shit.

Maybe try harder next time.

I'll be honest, it's a silly name!

I'm talking about The 6 Strings - the new branding for our group of blogs.

The whole bloody guitar thing has gone on for two long. I'd rather we were called The Trumpet Section or, more appropriately, The Bass Section. But there you go, we're the bloody 6 strings.
More bloody twangy guitars!
Oh well, never mind, at least we're bloggers and not potters or weavers.

How did pottery become art?

Look at these three pictures - this is a bit of a quiz.

Okay, you could say they're pretty but which one of these answers best describes what they are?
a) High art
b) Containers for food and drink
c) Items from an art gallery
d) Art worth big bucks
e) None of these

Don't forget, before you try to be smart, that only an idiot answer 'e)None of these'.

The correct answer is 'b) Containers for food and drink'.

Take my word for it - they don't look so fancy when the plate (or bowl) is full of spaghetti (with cheese dripping everywhere) and the cup is filled with coffee.
At best these things are fancy cups and saucers, things that hold your food and drink. Okay, they might have been a bit trendy in the 1970s but those days, and the bloody hippies, are long gone.
Want a plate? Go to The Warehouse - they're only $3.

$3 and good for holding spaghetti.

I don't want to sound happy all the time, but...

...getting around Bass Bagging Hexagram blogs has never been easier!

I just use this...

I'm talking about the LINKS on the right - all the blogs I need to reach!

Now this is what I call art!

I moan a lot about art and artists on this blog.

Finally I have found something that represents perfection!

THE BASS BAGGING HEXAGRAM.

Perfect symmetry and probably the best avatar anyone has ever come up with!

So, it seems like Different Time Zone Bill has gone over to the dark side.

The Curmudgeon has put up this blog - HERE.

Different Time Zone Bill

DTZ Bill is a nice enough chap but have you heard any cries of distress from the Bass Bag Blogs?
Nope.
Sadly DTZ Bill really isn't a huge loss. I'm sorry to have to say that.
The Curmudgeon Inc. likes to play a numbers game.
I haven't bothered to count all the Curmudgeons who are now on their books, but it's probably close to twenty.
What I have noticed, as have other readers, is that they all write the same crap.
Unfortunately DTZ Bill is just an attempt to introduce a bit of novelty into a big boring pile of old men.

The Curmudgeon Inc. - 

a big boring pile of old men.

So The Curmudgeon has supposedly poached DTZ Bill. Who really gives a shit?

I don't get it.

I read The Music Curmudgeon - HERE.

He keeps going on about this singer with a funny name. I just don't get it. What am I missing here?

I mean, she seems like a nice young lady. I just can't see what all the fuss is about.

Music is more fun when you make stuff up.

Fancy being a so called Classical musician and spending your life playing other people's music.

I guess that, if you choose to play an instrument like the oboe, it's your own damn fault.
While I'm on the topic, why would anyone want to become a tympanist?

Imagine that you're at a party and the old guitar comes out and a sing along develops. 

Someone calls out, "Brian, go get your tympany!"

Straight away there are a few problems here:

• What are the odds of your tympany being in the back of your car?
• Do you really want to lug them into a party situation where someone is bound to put his bottle of beer on one of your drums?
• Tympany are not going to work on Brown Eyed Girl.
• Someone is probably going to tell you to shut up.
• Anyway, let's be honest, no one is going to call out, "Brian, go get your tympany!"

Here's another scenario. You turn up at a jam - you have your viola and you're all dressed up in your penguin suit - but then you realise there is no music! You're going to have to make it up.

Tough shit fella!

I hear Classical musicians moaning that the audience for Classical concerts is dying off and some orchestras are struggling. Well, this is a sign from Angry Jesus that these musicians should start playing different stuff. Shorter pieces that don't go on for bloody hours.

Barry comes to the party.

I spent Christmas day at Richard (of RBB)'s place. His Uncle Steve likes to chat.

"...it was just after the time I'd been 

working for Barry Brickell..."

Richard (of RBB) said to me, "I don't usually listen to what he is saying but I pick up certain words. I often hear the name Barry Brickell." He went on to say that Barry was a potter who Uncle Steve approved of.

Today I went with Richard (of RBB) and Shelley to The Dowse in Lower Hutt (not my favourite city - even Sodom was better). You know how I feel about galleries like The Dowse and I have to say that today I wasn't disappointed. Most of the space was given up to some guy called Gavin Hipkins.

An example of Gavin's crap.

Gavin's stuff needs long written explanations because, without that, you wouldn't a have fucking clue what he is doing or why. His stuff was spread over five or six different spaces. Each room covered the same theme, showing that Gavin is a one idea guy.
Shelley said there was some pottery upstairs. Pottery = cups and saucers, vases, bottles and jugs trying to pass as art.
I said to Richard (of RBB), "It won't be the real thing unless we can find something by Barry Brickell.

Then I found his name!

And then a picture!

I thought, "They must have at least one example of his work here!"

And then I found Barry's name again!

AND THEN THE JACKPOT!

A jug that Barry had made!

POTTERY HEAVEN!

And handy if you're having a cup of tea and need something to put the milk in.

Okay, pottery has dated badly since the 1970s, when crooked looking kitchenware was in, but at least Barry's jug has a purpose.

He could teach Gavin bloody Hipkins a thing or two!

Why do rock bands have to have silly names?

A jazz band is mostly named after the person who runs it:
The Miles Davis Quintet, The Lincoln Centre Jazz Orchestra, The Oscar Peterson Trio, The Testore Trio.
Classical Orchestras generally tell you where they come from:
The New Zealand Symphony Orchestra, The Auckland Philharmonia.
Sometimes chanber ensembles take their name from someone who inspires them or whose music they play:
The Mozart Quintet, The Orpheus String Quartet.

Okay, so far it's all making sense.

Let's move onto rock bands:

The Small Faces

Hang on, where did that name come from?

The Animals

Not something you'd really want

to advertise!

Dragon

Well, at least Robert and Darek will like this one!

and on it goes!

WHY DO ROCK BANDS HAVE SUCH SILLY BLOODY NAMES?

How do you spell 'wanker'?

Find out HERE.

All you have to do to spell wanker is use the word cultured in your own name.

Yes, I'm talking about The Cultured Curmudgeon.

Or Yoghurt Boy, as

he should be called.

His post is titled SINGING WITH MYSELF. His next effort will undoubtedly be an instrumental -
PLAYING WITH MYSELF.

So this guy sets himself up as some sort of know all about culture.

Maybe, if he wants to know about music, he should watch THIS.

Now there's a song!

Good on you The Knobz and thanks for clearing that point up for us.