Art at Christmas.

Art at Christmas reaches a new low. Shops are trying to sell any old shit - Elvis always manages to get in on the bloody act, and then we have all those awful Christmas decorations and soppy shots of the fat old bastard in red.



Christmas is a bloody depressing time... and you get to spend time with relatives.
I need a drink just bloody thinking about it!

New Dowse, same old shit.

I saw Richard (of RBB), and his beautiful wife, at The New Dowse. Richard (of RBB) pointed out the interesting way the carpet was laid. He was right, the lines were sort of at at an angle of about forty five degrees and seemed to run right through the large cutting that led to the back room - a work of art. Unfortunately a lot of stuff on the walls was shit. Then there were some installations that someone had wasted a lot of time putting together.

I particularly hate art works that have a long explanation. Imagine buying something like that to put on (or near) your wall and, every time someone came into the room, having to try to explain the artist's intention. Call me a Philistine (which I am by accident of birth), but shouldn't the art work speak for itself?

I'm off to The New Dowse today.

Sometimes I feel depressed after looking at crap, but the type of art that depresses me the most is what most people call crafts. This is the sort of art that is made a lot by children and old people; oh, and people who think they are gypsies, or hippies, or something. Unfortunately they allow this shit into The New Dowse. Planning a visit to The New Dowse? You have been warned.

What makes art good?

I would have thought being able to draw would be the starting point for any artist. Though I suppose, if you want an accurate picture, you could just take a photo.
That brings up the question - what should artists be doing?
Let's have a look at some pictures:

I suppose this one could be an abstract impression of a pair of breasts, or a pair of eyes.

This one could be titled "Deformity at Birth". Maybe he just needed to put more effort into getting the eyes lined up?

I think this guy just got a little confused about what is painting and what is writing a book. Perhaps he just needed someone to say,
"No Colin, draw pictures. Words go in books,"?

Maybe some of these artists started painting before taking a few lessons? Perhaps someone should have taken them to an art gallery first, so that they would have known what they were supposed to be doing?
It all comes back to education. Bloody wishy-washy teachers! Don't get me started.

What the hell is Anselm doing with his blog?

Does it ever get updated? Well, who cares? It's too bloody airy fairy! If I wanted to read a blog like that, I'd go and sit in a bloody art gallery for hours.

I'd look at pictures that were made by someone who couldn't draw. Then I'd go and have some Sushi for lunch. Then I'd drink a cup of herbal tea, preferably with bits of herbal rubbish floating in it.
Come on Anselm, get real. The world doesn't need another pointless bloody blog.

Soccer players are sissies.

I got up to watch New Zealand play Paraguay. What a bloody waste of time! Even lying awake with nothing to do would have been better. Nothing happened, except that the poncy soccer players kept geiitng hurt. There, there little sissies. Soccer players need to harden up. Soccer players probably like to go to galleries and look at abstract art and pretend that they see something in it.

Only girls should be allowed to play soccer. Men who want to play soccer should be sent to a boot camp to toughen them up.

Annual Art Gallery report time.

Crap, bloody crap everywhere. What happened to the days when a picture looked what it was supposed to be?


Dear Mr & Mrs Picasso,
Pablo could succeed in this subject if he took the time to learn to draw. Drawing people seems to be one of his biggest weaknesses; along with choosing appropriate colours. How's he doing in accounting class? I'm told that accountants can make good money. There's nothing wrong with having a day job.
Akish (TP)

I like Scotch.

It's a good drink for getting plastered fast. I like the Scotch people too. Sure they're mostly pissed and trying to pick a fight but at least they don't waste their time making poncy art. Also, the bagpipes are an honest instrument, rich of tone and not needing amplification. Although, they're best not played after a neighbour has had a night on the Scotch.

Okay, let's talk about the southern sinfonia.

I bet you've never heard them play. I visited their website to see when and where they're playing this year and here is what I found.
Oh shit, not another bloody orchestra doing the last night at the proms! I remember the days when school orchestras used to do this as a fund raiser. I would have expected a little more from an orchestra that boasts being from one of our better known cities. I read the 'about us' section. It was written by Dave Shaw himself. Dave, you certainly have a pompous way of writing.
My suggestion:
Fire Dave, both as a bass player and an article writer, and give the bleeding proms a rest unless you're planning putting on the whole damn thing and not just the last bit.

I've been away for a while.

Mainly because the Arts Festival has been on in Wellington and it attracts too many arty weirdos. I'll be back and blogging this soon. I'm staying in Philistine for another couple of weeks.